This is a very common question that requires a little thought. Keep your baby in their cot for as long as possible. This is because when they’re in their cot they are safe – they can’t get anywhere, can’t go exploring the kitchen cupboards at 3am! Can’t go rolling down the stairs or jumping on the couch when you are sound asleep! I would recommend to keep them in their cots until they’re 3 if possible! Hahaha!! Using a sleeping bag helps in this process as it limits their movement and it’s harder for them to throw that leg up to get it over the railing of the cot. Did you know you can get sleeping bags for children up to 3 years old?
Keep them in their cot for as long as possible
If you are thinking of freeing up your cot because a new baby is on the way – don’t! Just go and buy a new cot for the new baby. Usually babies identify with their cot, they feel secure and safe, this is a place that they know and are happy in. They are possessive about it -it’s theirs! So, (if you do end up using it for the new baby) when they see the new baby in “their” cot, they can get quite distraught about it, and it ends up being another “thing” that has happened that makes them feel like we’ve pushed them away and don’t love them any more and this will contribute to their sleep disruption.
The most important aspect is safety. So the moment you catch your baby trying to escape from their cot, the first thing you do is to make sure the cot mattress is at it’s lowest position. This makes the top bar higher and therefore harder for them to get their leg over. If it already is at the lowest position then you need to start getting your baby into a bed, no matter what their age, as the risk of a head injury from them trying to climb out of the cot is real. Please don’t take this risk!
How do we do this?
It’s important to include your child in the decision making process. Start chatting about getting a big bed, how grown up they are now to have a big bed, like Mummy and Daddy. Work out what sort of bedding they’d like, for example, maybe Bluey, Dinosaur, Wiggles or Cocolemon? By them choosing the Duvet cover or the colour gives them a sense of ownership that “this is mine” and therefore more likely they’ll want to sleep in it. Also, whenever you have visitors make sure you show them the “new bed” and really praise your child about sleeping in it, as it really is a big change for them and they might be feeling a little insecure, so the more we praise and highlight the more we are reassuring them this is good!
By them choosing, gives them a sense of ownership that “this is mine” and therefore more likely to sleep in it.
Include your child in the decision making process
Consistency is key, so keep your bedtime routine exactly the same as if you were putting them in their cot. As your child gets older, I recommend spending some time sitting on their bed and just talking to them. Talk about their day, what did they see, who were they with, how did it make them feel, what are they doing tomorrow? And all the time serving and returning…that is, you make a comment or ask a question and then wait for them to answer. Even if they’re just 18mths and the most you get are noises – wait for them to “reply” before moving on. Having this opportunity for communication really sets them up for being relaxed and having space in their brain to switch off. Research shows that the more we talk about an incident the quicker it gets formed into a memory and then we can move forward by letting that incident go. So, in short, make time to talk to your child before switching off the light and saying “nighty night”
As I have mentioned before, moving into a big bed for sleep will be one of life’s major stressors for your little one
So you want to plan it and take your time with it, talking about it to them, maybe even playing in their room so they’re used to the space. Don’t have their bedroom as just a place to go to sleep, have it also as a playroom for them where they can have quiet toys like jigsaws, blocks, lego and of course books. When your child is in there playing, make sure you also spend some time in there playing with them so they feel comfortable and relaxed in “their room” What you will find, is when they start sleeping in their bed, they will be curious to see if anything else in the house has changed and will get up frequently at first to “check it out” Most likely they’ll come into your bedroom and check that you are there, check that baby is in it’s bassinet and everything is where it should be. Babies and children are creatures of habit – this is important!
“Babies and children are creatures of habit”
What to do when your child gets out of bed?
Simply state the obvious with no emotion attached. For example “oh look! You’ve come to see me – that’s nice, but we’re all in bed because it’s night-time and we’re sleeping. Now we have to go back to bed” and you take them by their hand and walk them back to bed. Tuck them back in. Remind them that it’s night-time and they have to sleep like everyone else. Tell them you love them and say “Nighty night” and then you walk back to your bed and go back to sleep! Easy hey? Hahaha!! Initially, your child might get out of bed 20x that first night. However, at each time, you repeat exactly the same message “Nothing going on here – back to bed” And it’s super important that you don’t get frustrated or angry with them, because they are just being curious, maybe they’re trying to push the boundaries but when you are really boring they too give up more quickly because it is … boring, so they might as well stay in bed. The moment you start to get angry and or frustrated, they see this as something important and they will continue getting out of bed for a lot longer.
Remember - don’t get angry or frustrated, they’re just being curious.
The worst thing you can do, if they do get up out of bed, is to take them out of their room, bring them into the family room to give them an extra bottle of milk/water, watch a bit of TV with you etc. as this is a reward. So, even though you think you’re just stalling to give them more time to feel more tired and then put them back to bed, what you’re saying is “disregard everything I’ve already told you about going to bed, because after you’ve gone to bed you can get up and watch TV with me” and guess what? That’s exactly what they’ll do, over and over every night because this is “special time” The brighter lights in the family room will also limit their melatonin release and will stop them from feeling sleepy. Also, don’t let them fall asleep on the couch at night and then you transfer them into their bed. If you notice they’re starting to get tired signs, then it’s time for bed! And you do that wonderful bedtime routine that they know so well, that makes them feel secure and safe, because it’s what you do all the time and it’s what they know.
So, the important bits -
don’t get angry and frustrated, they’re just navigating this new situation
Keep them in their cot for as long as possible!
I do Sleep Consultations at your home, so if you’d like more support or help on this topic, contact me
