You’re going to do what? Are you mad? I don’t know if my life will ever be the same again! My baby relies so much on the dummy – help!
Let’s go back a step to why we use dummies.
Dummies are fantastic for calming babies when they’re in the midst of a screaming session. Sucking for a baby calms them down, resets their nervous system to operate at a slower rate so their whole body becomes more relaxed and chilled, and as we know, babies are more likely to fall asleep in this manner rather than if they are upset and crying.
So, we end up using the dummy more and more, for every sleep time, for every time our baby cries. It’s a brilliant strategy and we know it will work! Babies are creatures of habit and like us, they like routine, so what we are teaching our babies here is that they need the dummy to be able to calm themselves and relax themselves so they can fall asleep. Giving the baby a dummy can be one of many sleep associations that they have that involve us, the parents, being by their side to get them to fall asleep. Some sleep associations can be positive because the parents are not involved. The sleep associations that are negative are the ones that require the parents to be there.
Using a dummy soothes and calms your baby
Dummies are brilliant for babies that are prone to have crying fits, like babies with digestive or gastrointestinal issues, like Reflux or Colic, because like I’ve said, it helps the baby to comfort itself and to make itself feel better. Or maybe bub was born early or was sick and had to be in Special Care Nursery for a while. Babies will often get dummies when they have spent time in the Special Care Nursery because the Neonatal Nurses know the benefits of babies that suck a dummy.
we need to teach our baby that they can settle on their own without a dummy
But how do I take the dummy away? There are two main ways to get rid of the dummy –
1) For a younger baby, (under the age of 6 months), you can use it as a step in the process of the bedtime routine, but the moment you feel the baby has relaxed and their breathing has slowed then you remove the dummy, so that when they fall asleep nothing is in their mouths. This is important that the environment the babies falls asleep in, is exactly the same as when they wake up, then the baby is comforted knowing that “all is good in the world, nothings changed since I’ve been asleep” and this keeps them nice and relaxed and possibly fall back into another sleep cycle if they need it.
2) The other way is to remove the dummy cold turkey and not use it at all in the bedtime process. This is harder as the baby will be confused as to this change and will protest more, as baby’s are creatures of habit and like routine. So here we are messing this up and the baby is saying “no! this is not what we do” but with our support, nurturing, being with the baby, they can learn how to resettle without it. You can be very successful using this strategy with a baby older than 6 months, because you can offer them a sleep toy/comforter in lieu of the dummy which will make it seem less of a hurdle.
Remember, you are Bigger, Stronger, Wiser and Kind
In any situation when you’re going to make changes to your baby’s routine, it’s important that you “discuss” this with your baby, even if they are too young to understand your words. I believe strongly in the power of respect, and you are being respectful to your child when you tell them ahead of time, “this is what we’re going to do…..it’s time now to stop using the dummy….” A big part of the older child accepting this change in their routine is giving them some responsibility in it. For example, they give it to the baby down that street that needs it more than they do, or they need to give it to the rubbish bin man, or they put it in the bin themselves (and at that point you actually have thrown out every single dummy in the house, so you are not tempted and give in when the going gets tough! Yes, that dummy you’ve hidden in the cutlery drawer, or in your linen cupboard with the towels – every – single – dummy - needs – to – go!)
Now, it will be difficult for at least 3 nights, maybe more, of your baby complaining. This is their way of saying “no! this is not what we do! I like what we were doing before! I want the dummy!” And this will be their angry, protesting cry as they will be mad – remember, babies like routine and this is definitely not what you were doing before, so they’re going to tell you “I’m mad!” but they don’t have the words yet. During this phase you will be so tempted to search the house high and low for those hidden dummies, just one more night!
babies like routine
But this is what parenting is all about. This is what you’ve signed up to do – it’s hard! Remember you are Bigger, Stronger, Wiser and Kind! So, listen to your child as they’re complaining – don’t turn your back on them, don’t close yourself off to them, I want you to be listening to them because the moment they tell you they’re not angry anymore and are instead sad, you need to go to them, pick them up, cuddle them and reassure them with lots of loving words and tell them you’re teaching them a new way of going to bed and they don’t need the dummy, and you love them and are here for them and they can do this! You are supporting your child by being there for them when they need you. They don’t need you when they’re complaining and being angry, but they need you when they’re upset or not coping or feeling lonely. When you notice that change you are responsive and attend to their needs. By doing this you are strengthening the trust between you and your baby, so they know when they’re in need you are there for them, you’ve got their back and by doing this you are growing a respectful relationship between you and your baby, so your baby knows that they can let out negative emotions and shout and scream, but when they need you, you’re there for them.
